"I'm just a girl, stuck under a sleeping baby, with a full bladder and dying phone."
"Every mother is a Wonder Woman."
VP, Finance & HR
"I see all of these moms who can do anything, and I think... I should have them do stuff for me too."
"Never make eye contact with a child on the verge of sleep. They will sense your excitement and abort the mission."
"MOTHERHOOD: when you use a baby wipe to clean pretty much everything in your house."
Sr. Director, Business Strategy
"Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing your bed with a drunk octopus looking for its car keys."
Director, Business Performance
"My goal for 2017 is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013."
Sr. Director, Marketing
"Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?!"
Manager, Graphic Design
"I work out. Just kidding, I chase toddlers."
Manager, Warehouse Operations
"I would walk across legos for you."
Manager, Office & Business Operations
"You know you're a mom when you wish there was a drive-thru for everything."
Manager, Customer Service
"I can't decide if I need a hug, a large coffee, six shots of vodka or two weeks of sleep."
Chief of Staff
"Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother."
"Raising kids is a walk in the park... Jurassic park."
Senior Manager, Community + Customer Experience
"If parenthood came with a GPS, it would mostly say: recalculating."
Designer, Motion Graphic
"They say it takes a village to raise a child, but no one ever tells you where it is or how to get there."
Sales & Planning Analyst
"So, it turns out being a parent is mostly just googling how to do stuff."
Director, Performance Analysis
"Babysitting your child is all the birth control I need."
Chief of Staff