"I'm just a girl, stuck under a sleeping baby, with a full bladder and dying phone."
"Every mother is a Wonder Woman."
VP, Finance & HR
"I see all of these moms who can do anything, and I think... I should have them do stuff for me too."
"Never make eye contact with a child on the verge of sleep. They will sense your excitement and abort the mission."
"MOTHERHOOD: when you use a baby wipe to clean pretty much everything in your house."
Sr. Director, Business Strategy
"Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing your bed with a drunk octopus looking for its car keys."
Director, Business Performance
"My goal for 2017 is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013."
Sr. Director, Marketing
"I don't really 'rise and shine.' Most days I caffeinate and hope for the best."
Director, Content Strategy
"Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?!"
Manager, Graphic Design
"I work out. Just kidding, I chase toddlers."
Manager, Warehouse Operations
"I would walk across legos for you."
Manager, Office & Business Operations
"You know you're a mom when you wish there was a drive-thru for everything."
Manager, Customer Service
"I can't decide if I need a hug, a large coffee, six shots of vodka or two weeks of sleep."
Chief of Staff
"Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother."
"Raising kids is a walk in the park... Jurassic park."
Manager, Community Outreach
"If parenthood came with a GPS, it would mostly say: recalculating."
Designer, Motion Graphic
"They say it takes a village to raise a child, but no one ever tells you where it is or how to get there."
Sales & Planning Analyst
"So, it turns out being a parent is mostly just googling how to do stuff."
Director, Performance Analysis
"Babysitting your child is all the birth control I need."
Chief of Staff